Hope,love and despair
by willow.k
Summary: Hermione has lost everything, her best friend, her dreams and her life. She feels broken, torn and lost, because she no longer has a purpose for living.But can Draco Malfoy put her back together and end her sorrow?
1. Chapter 1 Gone

**_hi everyone!_**

_**firstly i'd like to mention that i don't own Harry Potter although this is my version of the story. (Disclaimer- DRAMIONE fanfic)**_

**_ this is my first fanfic so i am very excited! i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it. please review- i am always up for suggestions, ideas or any positive/negative comments. so i would really appreciate it if you reviewed! Enjoy! :)_**

I ran through the dark corridors, my heart beating a thousand miles an hour. Once upon a time I would walk through these very halls, loving how carefree life could be. I had never imagined Hogwarts, my Hogwarts, would turn into this hell hole. The walls were caving in on me, making it excruciating to even take a breath. I just wanted to get out, and get out fast- before this castle swallowed me whole and took me to its darkest pits.

It's like that school that I loved ever so much was just merely a memory from a dream; it felt as if it hadn't existed at all. It felt as if it had always been so cold and gloomy as it was now. I guess I took that all for granted. I missed the dim lights, ancient rugs and the sweet smell of yet to be found knowledge lingering around the classrooms (metaphorically speaking). How the hell had my own personal heaven turned into my most dreaded nightmare?

I was there running for my life. The people in the portraits had been long gone, fleeing at the first sight of danger. I guess the word danger was an understatement. This was war.

Every muscle in my body ached; all I wanted was for all this to be over. I wished those muggle stories about genies would have been true. Then I certainly would've wished this all away. But I guess I was getting the sense of the bitter taste of reality, not even magic could help me now. I was on my own.

"Ron!" I screamed. Where in the world was he? We were supposed to stick together. My screams echoed off the walls, I was now making myself quite vulnerable- they could find me at any moment. But what did I care? What was there worth living for?

I nearly tripped over at something on the floor. It was a figure, sprawled on the mahogany timber, lying on his side with a pool of blood surrounding him. I swear I would recognise that red hair anywhere, but I really wished I was wrong. My heart willed it to be a mistake, but as always my mind was far ahead of my heart. Oh God not him, please not him I thought. I fell to my knees and turned the figure so he was now lying on his back. My stomach did a thousand back flips, bile rose in my throat. An unbearable cold wrapped its arms around me. My voice was merely a whisper, as the tears that I had been holding fell freely down my cheeks. I had found who I was looking for, but this was the price I had to pay. "Ron?"

I clutched him against my chest, my tears turning into uncontrollable sobs. This couldn't be happening. Why him? Ronald Weasley had opened his eyes ever so slightly as a single tear trickled down his own cheek. "Run" he uttered. With that he slumped against me and his barely there heartbeat stopped. It couldn't be. No. I had already lost my parents, now not him too. Who did I have now? It was entirely my fault. If only I didn't agree to spilt up…

I hugged him one last time and kissed his now frozen lips. I took the remains of his now shattered wand and placed them in my pocket. And I just ran. I ran as fast as my legs would go, I ran for Ron and all the people who I had lost. I ran for my life.

I didn't want to leave, I wanted to stay there forever, hold him against me and wait for him to wake up with my name on his lips. Leaving Ron was there has pained me ever since, I would live with that moment etched in my brain for as long as I lived.

I didn't exactly know where I was going. But somewhere safe sounded like a good place to start. As I was just near the prefects' bathroom, a hand grabbed my arm. I closed my eyes. "Shit" I muttered. I slowly turned around, getting ready to face my doom. What the hell was I in for?

**_so this was the first chapter. i hoped you liked it. please, as i said before i would really like it if you reviewed. Thanks for reading!_**


	2. Chapter 2 Hero?

_**Hi everyone! Sorry I haven't been able to update in a while. I have just had a really hectic time in school but now I am FREE! I hope u enjoy this chapter!**_

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><p>I slowly turned around to face my capturer. This was it I thought. So this was how my end would come.<p>

I'd never imagined I would die in Hogwarts, rather I'd never imagined dying at all. I would only ponder about the last books I've read or about happy endings, and the sweet scenarios I would write in my head. It never occurred to me that I would have to face death on many accounts in my life, that it would become my visitor quite frequently, so eager to take me away. But now I could never sky dive, get a license or get married in a fancy ballroom, with hundreds staring at me as I walked down the aisle towards my grinning husband. I would never finish school and become a professor as I had wanted. I would never live the normal life that I prayed for every single waking hour. But when I thought about all this in that moment, did I really want all that? Was there a point? They were all empty dreams; I had already lost what I had always wanted. All that aside I knew my end had come. I was going to die.

The face I saw startled me, to be quite honest her name hadn't even crossed my mind. Her black eyes sparkled with excitement, a huge smile plastered on her face. She dug her nails deeper in my skin, satisfied when I flinched. It was no other than Bellatrix Lestrange. Looking at her reminded of the time at the Malfoy Manor, her breath on my face as she etched the word mudblood on my arm. Ron screaming my name as she tortured me. Ron… My newly healed scar was starting to sting as the nightmares came flooding back.

She grabbed me by my hair, pulling my head back. Weird to mention but the smell of breath wasn't at all that pleasant as she whispered "one down two to go and then the end of the golden trio! You'll meet the same fate as your ginger boyfriend, and that Potter will too. Isn't this going to be fun!" Hearing that she had killed Ron gave me and unsettling feeling in my stomach. I wanted to kill her then and there so badly but then got a hold of myself. What was the point? She would kill me in a moment and everything would be over.

She started laughing (cackling more like it) as she dragged me by my hair. I screamed the whole way to the Great Hall, my own cries piercing my eardrums. She dumped me on the floor and did a little twirl around the room, so ecstatic it was quite frightening. I fell to my knees, feeling as if the lot of my hair had been yanked off my scalp, my head throbbing in pain. I was holding back tears of fear, anger and pain; I just desperately wanted this all to end.

Bellatrix turned to me, her dark hair falling over her eyes as she exclaimed "You know, I would've wanted to finish you off myself, but I have something better in mind". She chanted a summoning charm and mumbled a barely audible name. In a matter of seconds, there was Draco Malfoy, wand in hand, in battle stance. His usually perfect hair was tousled, his clothes torn and shredded. There were bags under his eyes, like he hadn't slept for a month. He looked…different.

As he turned around our eyes met, with that his lips quivered ever so slightly and his hands balled up into fists at his sides. Bellatrix waltzed over behind him, put a hand on his shoulder and whispered "Come on Draco, you know you want to. Just one step of the way…" Draco raised his wand, his arm shaking like a leaf in an autumn breeze. He took a few steps forward towards me until we were a metre away from each other. His face was twisted with fear and guilt? I couldn't quite identify it. And he was…crying. Tears fell freely down his cheeks while still not uttering a single sound. I never let go if his gaze and he never mine. "Draco do it!" Bellatrix screamed impatiently. I closed my eyes and braced myself. I was ready. Not long Ron, I am coming. I waited but nothing happened. Then all I heard was someone scream 'Crucio!' and this unbelievable pain hit me. But that wasn't Draco's curse, it was from Bellatrix.

I fell to the ground, whimpering from the dreaded pain. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I screamed and screamed until I could not scream any longer. All I wanted was for it to stop. What in the world had I done to deserve this? Another voice yelled "Avada Kedavra". This time the voice belonged to Draco. I waited for something, any sort of feeling indicating I was dead. But I wasn't. I had the sudden feeling that curse was not for me. My eyes fluttered open, and there lay Bellatrix, not moving an inch. I gasped. She was dead.

Someone dropped to their knees beside me and picked me up in their arms. Their tears soaked my clothes. As they stroked my hair and a voice, a male and very familiar voice whispered my name. Who was my saviour, or should I say murderer? Couldn't he have just spared me and did me a favour by killing me off when he had the chance? Why did he have to let me live, when all I wanted was to die?

Deep down I was pretty sure who he was. But I couldn't comprehend why in the world Draco Malfoy would do this. He didn't have to kill Bellatrix, or save me for that matter. Then why?

I was too numb to think, too tired to move. My eyelids had begun to droop slowly a sudden drowsiness taking over me. As he pulled back and cradled me in his arms, I last remember seeing ice blue eyes looking down at me, concern swimming in their beautiful colour, and a whispered spell I couldn't make out.

Then, nothing.


	3. Chapter 3 Draco

_**This is an exclusive chapter of Draco's story. I will hopefully be uploading these 'Draco' chapters once in a while. Enjoy!**_

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><p><em>When I first saw her there, I couldn't believe it. My stomach knotted as all the warmth drained out of my body. I knew it was her, although I prayed it wasn't. She had gone skinnier, and dark bags were visible under her caramel brown eyes. Her hair was untidy, mud staining her pale blue jeans. She looked worn out and extremely tired, but still hanging on. As usual she was beautiful. <em>

_On her right was no other than Weasley, struggling against the Death Eater who held him, trying to get to her, trying to protect her. I had always been jealous of Weasley; I wished I could be that close to her, to hear her laughter or just stand by her side like he did. _

_On her left was Potter, his face so swollen I couldn't recognize him at first. I almost laughed; I knew that was Hermione's doing and it was, as usual, pretty good. _

_My crazy aunt ordered Pettigrew to take Harry and Ron away. They both struggled to get free, but it was no use. They were unarmed, and there were about seven of us and two of them. Then she dragged Hermione to the middle of the room and pushed her to the ground. I knew what she was going to do and as always I could do nothing about it. I fell into the arm chair placed in the corner of the room, too numb to move. I closed my eyes as my tears fell. _

_Her screams pierced my ears and it felt as if I was the one undergoing that torture. Curse after curse my aunt cast, curse after cure Hermione's bloodcurdling screams were louder and more excruciating. It felt as if a thousand daggers had been plunged into my chest and through the very centre of my heart. I had again failed to protect her, but then again I never could because all I ever did was put her in danger. Suddenly she stopped screaming and I opened my eyes. My aunty was gone, and only Hermione and I were left in the room. I raced to her, picked her up and cradled her in my arms. She was shivering, her body cold as ice. I pulled back and gazed in horror at the blood that had soaked the front of her white shirt. I placed my lips on her tear bedded cheek. "Draco" she whispered. And with that she slumped against me and died with my name on her lips._ Oh dear God, not again.

I opened my eyes and sat up in bed, gasping. I had experienced yet another nightmare, another endless night. It was the same bloody thing over and over again. Her dying and I not being able to save her. Sometimes I double my caffeine intake so I won't sleep and see the same nightmare. But whatever I do, I cannot protect myself from my worst fear, crawling back to me and showing me things I prayed I would never see.

Sweat was cooling on my body, making me feel all shivery. But I guess it could never match the chill I felt inside every time I drew a breath. I would never forgive myself for letting her go through all that pain. I would never ever forgive myself for being a complete idiot and not protecting her as I should have. You know, I've never hated her at all. Even if I glared at her in school or called her things I shouldn't have, I never actually meant them for her. My anger was entirely for myself, at how stupid I was. I loved her, maybe more than I should, which is the main the reason why I will never forgive myself.

I lay back down on my stomach, pulled the doona over my head and buried my face in my pillow to muffle my sobs.

**So… what do you think? Any comments or suggestions would be much appreciated **


	4. Chapter 4 Trying to Live

_**Soo… chapter 4… never thought I'd make it this far! Super excited! Sorry I haven't updated in such a long time Enjoy!**_

I pressed my head against the cold window, watching the blurred scenery as the express chugged as nearer and nearer to Hogwarts, my home. The sky had become gray, lightning decorating its dull features. Rain begun to splatter against the window, and as the drops fell one by one, bit by bit my heart broke. I was as if the sky was sharing our sorrow, weeping over our loss. Happiness was lost, caged up somewhere waiting for someone to set it free. But I knew I would never find it again because I simply didn't believe in it no more. Was there such a thing as happiness anyway or was that also a lie, like the many 'blissful' things that we were told about?

My thoughts were distracted by an all too familiar voice that would have excited us before all of… this happened.

"Anything from the trolley dears?". The familiar lunch lady gazed at us intently, waiting for an answer. I looked at Harry sitting in front of me. After a second he turned to her and murmured "No thanks". She just gave us a nod, a sad look in her eyes as she walked away. I bit my lip as I felt Harry's gaze on me. I knew we were thinking about the same thing, or rather the same person.

I could almost hear Ron's eager voice as he ordered chocolate frogs and pumpkin pies, or as he explained in pure rage Fred and George's latest prank on him. Since his funeral service yesterday, Harry and I haven't talked much. Although we never left each other's side since that night, it felt as if there was a gap, a huge crater that separated us. We were still aching from loss and the despair. Grief and sorrow followed us wherever we went like a dark shadow, refusing to leave our side. I remember that night after the battle , Harry and I hugging and crying over Ron's lifeless body. We sat there for ages as the uncontrollable sobs racked through our bodies. We couldn't accept that he was gone, that he would never return and be... well Ron again. Harry was my best friend, but now more like a brother, a brother who knew exactly what I was thinking at anytime.

I turned to Harry and found my voice after a few seconds. "I can hear him" I whispered, looking down at my hands. Harry hesitated for a moment, then settled next to me and pulled me into a hug.

"Hermione… you know he wouldn't want to have seen us like this. Just hold on…for him," Harry said in my ear. I nodded against his shoulder. Then I pulled back and stood up. I couldn't stay in this cabin any longer. If I did, I would've burst into tears, which I didn't want to do, at least not in front of Harry.

I muttered the word 'bathroom' to Harry and speedily walked out without a backward glance toward him.

I felt people's gaze on me as I rushed to the front of the train. I heard could hear the whispers from the students and saw their sad faces. I guess that was the worst part; people feeling sorry for you.

A few days ago I had received a letter informing me that I was selected as the Head Girl of Hogwarts along with, yes no jokes, Draco Malfoy. I was quite shocked that Draco Malfoy would be head. I supposed he would want to have a low profile on account of being 'former Death eaters'. I was not alone; Harry's jaw dropped when I told him.

You know, being Head Girl would've excited me before. But now it didn't matter since I could not share this title with whom I wanted.

At the front of the train, there is a cabin for the Heads. My intention initially wasn't to go there, but my feet lead me to the cabin. I silently prayed Malfoy wouldn't be there, I wasn't in the mood to deal with glares and dark looks. I slowly opened the cabin door and peeked inside. Thankfully Malfoy wasn't there. I stepped inside and found myself in luxury. The Head cabin was not like the normal cabins. Inside was black leather seats, a coffee table in the middle with a stack of books, a bowl of fruit on top and two gleaming badges with the words ' Head Girl' and 'Head Boy' carved on them. I picked up my gold badge and shoved it in my pocket. I picked up a book at random, sat in the corner and pulled my knees up to my chest. For the first time in my life I had a book in my hands but wasn't actually reading it. My mind wondered off to different places, taking me to forbidden places. They were beautiful and intoxicating, wrapping me with warmth for the briefest of seconds. They were ultimately the only thing I had left, just the petals of the rose, and I intended to hold onto them for as long as I could.

The door opened with a jolt. There stood Draco Malfoy, the Head Boy of Hogwarts. He was just as I remembered, lean and tall. His pale blonde hair was combed to the back and his black tailored suit screamed 'expensive'. Our eyes met and there was something in those ice blue eyes that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Something about the war and Bellatrix and an uttered spell I couldn't make out… then that short thought was immediately erased from my mind, leaving no trace that I thought of it at all.

"I'm sorry, I can leave…" I stammered. I got ready to leave but he quickly answered before I could do so.

"No it's ok. It's your right to stay in here as much as it is mine".

I gave him a nod as he sat down. I continued to emptily gaze at my book, when a voice cut through.

"You know that is a pretty boring book." I looked up, surprised to see that Draco Malfoy, yes MALFOY, was trying to make conversation with ME. I decided to help him a bit.

" Yeah. I read a few lines and dozed off after."

"You should try this one. It's pretty good." He pointed to a book with a dark green cover.

"I've already read it."

"oh." He smiled.

I returned his smile for a second, and then my face dropped. Merlin's beard, what the hell was I doing? My best friend had died only two weeks ago, and I was having a good time? With a former Death Eater? I felt like the most horrible person to ever walk on the face of the earth. I could've slapped myself.

Draco leaned forward, his voice soft, his eyes sparkling. "Look I'm sorry about Weasley. I…I know how hard it is." His sincerity was evident on his face, which is what I assume led me to 'blow'.

I took a deep breath as the words leaked out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"No you don't know, you can't. No one can. It's like… waking up to a day without the sun, pitch black, no light whatsoever. You don't know what it feels like to put on a brave face while an invisible force is ripping up your insides. I hear his voice in my head every bloody second and it just won't _stop. _The pain won't go down a notch. You can't sleep, eat or even breathe, because it is as if iron hands are at your throat. You cannot imagine, no one can."

I stood up and placed the book on the table.

"But do you know what the worst part is? Trying to live while the only thing you want is to die." I gazed upon Draco's stricken face. He looked like I hit him. His eyes were shining, and or some odd reason it felt as if he knew exactly what I meant. I shook off that thought simply because I knew no one could. Without another word, I left the cabin, plastering on my brave face while literally screaming on the inside.

_**What do you think? Pleaseeeeeee review!**_


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